Chagrin stains my cheeks today
As the one question I can’t answer keeps playing pinball
Through my head.
How did this happen?
It all pointed to epiphany,
My palms felt empty on the frigid walk home.
Without substance to quell the jeers of those banshee breezes.
The fates unzipped my shoulder and left me to remain patient
In the hunting grounds for instant gratification.
I didn’t want to me be, but I kept on breathing heaving spores,
and kept love close while envy festered.
I couldn’t connect outside passing gasps underwater
To connect, WMUA, with the totem man
Whose perpetual presence is an unfaltering aegis.
Coincidnces hurled themselves at me
And snickered at my inability, flirt-flitting in and out.
Like bring frozen opaque in a starstorm,
Hopeless to the spectacle.
I didn’t want to change myself
So I screamed and hollered camaraderie with the dozens of buddies
And tried my best on the inside to zip my lonely self back together.
Have you ever stood in a room of friends and still felt your fingers go numb?
Just keep breathing. Don’t let the preoccupation take root.
Just keep breathing. Don’t cave in to how much fun everyone else is having.
Just keep breathing. Heal.
Even if the back of your head is screaming through the 2007 throwback slaughterhouse,
“This isn’t how it was supposed to be.”
Just keep breathing.
I’m scared to treat a human test of my patience
As the outcome of celestial alignment,
The previous time ended in a similar flavor of tragedy
But God, I don’t want to leave here empty handed.