Disappointed lungs exhale the day’s trivialities.
Crackling eclectic synapses, dyed timid in hushed despair.
I wish there was explanation to a passing conversation
That carries itself like a funeral dirge of terse recitation.
We’ve got places to be, yet I remain stationary.
My legs won’t entertain the ridiculousness I treasure.
I’m not feeling fine today, but I say I am.
I’ve submitted to small talk’s paragons,
An eggshell white trying not to be beige.
I’m scared of invalidity.
I left my purpose to live in my other pants and
Thanks to the eternal crunch of antagonistic time,
I feel powerless to change my attire.
Suspended, dull. This isn’t the pause button I hoped for.
The cold breath and those languishing eyes without impact
Tells me the joy has receded and fallen asleep.
It’s never been easier than now to feel hopeless,
Every path of sprawling, circuitous future
Becomes increasingly invalidated with every secondhand tick.
Emotional hibernation becomes nature’s inclination.
Every smile is a conscious decision,
And the default is a person I resent.
I don’t want to be them. I don’t want to be me.
How do you make heads or tails out of identity?
Across the monolith table Emily picks out a chair,
And I sigh relieved, an inkling of color sparks the blue inner hearth.
It reminds me how inexhaustible a resource love is,
Conjured in split seconds with a familiar face.
So I go, and I tell her.
I’m not fine, but I’ve decided to smile bright and goofy
And big as the world I want to live in.
It’s emotional kerosene for my captive inner optimist
To be set ablaze and preach jubilant pyromania,
Setting passions that rise like billowing pillars of smoke.
Blissful red tears want to well in my eyes
When I see the light and love I lost,
Staring right back at me.
Thank you for reacquainting myself with a side of me I forget to take with me.